Have you ever had the problem where you’re unable to relax? I, personally, have a problem with getting my mind to stop thinking about work after the workday is over. There are just so many things to do and not enough time to do it all.
Time doesn’t slow down for me or you. It doesn’t speed up either. Time is just not very accommodating to needs, unfortunately.
If you are unable to relax (especially after work) then you may be fighting the wrong thing. It’s possible that the real problem is that you aren’t satisfied with how you’re spending your time. So, I want to walk you through some steps to make the best of the time you are given.
Step #1: Mindset
If you haven’t noticed already, a lot of my “how-to” posts almost always start with mindset. It’s because I believe your mind is one of the most powerful tools you have. It can either help you or stop you from reaching your goals.
In this instance, your mind can be in the way of you being able to relax.
It is important to realize that, though you may be using your time wisely, your mind can still get in the way of relaxing. You may be following the next steps to the T yet continue to find it hard to relax.
If this is you, then it’s time to double check your mindset. Maybe you have some major stress that you need to deal with. Or, maybe you’re struggling with having a good support system.
Try to identify why your mind is blocking you in the first place. If you can put a name on it, then you will be more likely able to remove it.
Also, identify why you want to relax. Often it’s best to focus on replacing a bad habit than removing one.
Step #2: Prioritize
After you check your mindset, the first step to free your mind when you’re unable to relax is to prioritize your time.
First, write down the most important things (including people and work) right now in your life. Also, write down tasks you have to do every day that aren’t necessarily important. Prioritize these items and people.
Once you have your priorities down, think about how much time you want or need to devote to each. Rank your priorities by the amount of time you can devote to it right now. This will be your time-spent list.
For example, my family is one of my top priorities. But, when it comes to my time, I spend a lot more time on work than I do with my family. So, family would rank lower on my time-spent list.
Now looking at your time-spent list, are you satisfied with where you’re devoting your time?
If the answer is no, then write out your ideal time-spent list. In what ways can you make that ideal list reality?
The goal is to devote as much time as possible to your priorities to help you feel more satisfied with how your time is spent.
Sidenote: if you are an introvert, don’t forget to prioritize introvert time. The same goes for extroverts with extrovert time.
Step #3: Set Boundaries
Once you have figured out how you can or want to spend your time, set boundaries for each item.
For example, what are your work hours going to be? How are you going to spend your evenings? Are you allowing yourself to work on the weekends? If not, how are you going to spend your weekends?
I find that I have 2 main priorities that I have to set boundaries for: work and housework. The rest of my time is devoted to my family (and sleeping).
Now is the time to write down any boundaries you would like to set.
Step #4: Stick to Your Boundaries
What would be the point of setting boundaries if there’s no intent to keep them? (I ask myself that all the time, especially with work.) I actually had not set boundaries for my work before this post. Looks like you’re keeping me accountable to my own words – thank you!
So, now it’s my turn to hold you accountable to your boundaries. If you need help with staying accountable, you might benefit from working with me.
IMPORTANT: The next two steps are not going to work if you skip this step.
Your time is extremely valuable so…
1) you must treat your time like it is a precious commodity, and
2) make sure you aren’t spending too much time on things that aren’t as important to you. (I am so very guilty of this…)
But this is important because, though you say you’re only going to work 6 hours a day, you need to act on it. Otherwise, you’re going to spend too much time on things that are lower on your priority list. Then you’ll find yourself being ineffective with your time because you aren’t sticking to the boundaries you set.
If you have boundaries and stick to them, it’ll force you to work smarter to get things done. Trust me, you will be thankful in the long run for this!
But, I want to encourage you to also be flexible. Sometimes you have to spend more time in different areas during different seasons. And that’s totally ok.
The goal here is to make enough time for what you value the most, whether that’s family, friends, and/or an activity.
Step #5: Work Smart, Not Hard
Once you’ve committed to sticking to your boundaries, you can focus on working smarter. Now that you have a set time to get stuff done for each item, you can work towards maximizing the quality of that time.
Only have an hour to work on a project? Plan out what you need to do and where you can save time.
Planning ahead is a great way to avoid wasting time. This is one of the perks of setting boundaries: you have to plan ahead or you won’t get anything done. And at the end of the day, you will be frustrated. Now you’ll definitely be unable to relax.
So, if you want to be able to relax when home, take the time to make a plan and work smart so that work or your to-dos aren’t plaguing your mind.
Step #6: Get Your Mind and Body Into a Routine
When you set boundaries for work and stick to them, you allow your body to get into a routine. Though in your mind you know when work is done, your body doesn’t always get the memo.
But, if you allow your body to get into a routine by only working during the times you set, then your body will be able to recognize when you’re done working. When this happens, you’ll be able to relax much easier. (This is where biological rhythms come into play.)
If you normally spend 2 hours extra working on most days, then stop working on time today, your mind and body will be confused. Because, though you know you’re not working anymore, your mind and body expect to spend 2 more hours working.
This is why getting into a routine is very important! Especially if the quality of the time you spend on more important things (like family and friends) is suffering for it.
Step #7: Be Flexible
As you start getting into a routine, there may be times you need to adjust your priorities and your boundaries. For example, when you get married or have kids, your priorities may shift around some. Or, if you get a different job or work hours change, then you‘ll have to adjust the work boundaries you set.
Routines help us flourish, but we have to be careful not to get too set in them. Being flexible is key to having a routine that works. Otherwise, every unexpected event would completely throw you off. And then you won’t be able to get anything done because you’re flustered from being off-schedule.
You, also, can revisit these steps a few times throughout the year to check how you’re doing. Seasons change and so do your priorities, so going back through these steps will help you ensure you’re making the most of the time you’ve been given.
Still Unable to Relax?
If you try the steps above and are still struggling with relaxing after work or with making or sticking to your boundaries, then you might benefit from working with me. Stress causes so many health problems – you can read more about how disruptive stress is to your health here.
To help you prevent developing these health problems, I can help you stay accountable to the changes you know you need to make. I can do this via one-on-one with coaching sessions or through my low-cost membership site. Go here to learn more about how I can walk you through how to build resilience to stress and help you re-learn how to relax.
Now, I want to hear from you in the comments below… Do you struggle with relaxing after work? What helps you when you are unable to relax?